Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I need to stop coming to work sober
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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