when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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