And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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