we made out on top of his cat.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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