My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
