theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
