you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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