420 ftw
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's never too late to be topless.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
