jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
