Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
