i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
