You made me cry and you don't even care
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
