can u get pink eye on your cock?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
