i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
