I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
where are you?
Hypothermia
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
