Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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