So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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