She said her name was "party"
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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