I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
