i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
