you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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