And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
