OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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