im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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