So drunk, too bad you don't want this
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
