ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
