I think I died a long time ago.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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