Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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