I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
