i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I forget how to act sober
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
