Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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