i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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