Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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