I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
