Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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