I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
