She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize