well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Randomize
