omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
