Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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