Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
