So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
