Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
