my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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