Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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