I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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