Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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