i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
