im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
