My cat gives me a boner
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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