we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
