Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
