bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You left your phone here
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