Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
