Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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