i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize