True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
