Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
