help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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