They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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