by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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