i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
