Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
