You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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