I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
