12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
