Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
