I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
How external is "for external use only"?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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