When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
