This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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