i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
