so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
