tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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