I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
