Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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