fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
