while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
