Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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