She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
